Mum of two boys and clinical psychologist Alisha Weston knows that some days parenting is like playing the role of a very sleep deprived traffic controller in the middle of a cyclone.
In the juggle of sleep, work, domestic chores, trying to get kids to eat at least one of the five food groups, nappies, teething, school excursions, staying connected to your partner, and maintaining your own health and well being something has to give. And for many mothers the item that falls dead last on their to-do lists is to care for themselves.
That’s why Alisha has created Mindful Mummies – a mother’s group with a difference. An eight-week program facilitated by Alisha, it’s designed to help mothers and pregnant women enjoy the every day moments of parenting through practicing self-care, compassion and mindfulness techniques.
And while ‘mindfulness’ may seem like just another health buzzword – you know, like kale, or Pete Evans, it’s been proven to help lower stress levels, improve focus and ease anxiety – great not just for mums, but for everybody. Read on for more about Mindful Mummies.
Why did you start Mindful Mummies?
I’ve always been really passionate about working with mothers, whether throughout their pregnancy or post pregnancy.
As a psychologist, I’ve worked with a large number of mothers who have been struggling with parenting issues, perinatal depression and anxiety, and general parenting fatigue. I also have a strong interest in the mindfulness and self-compassion area. So for me it was about combining the two.
I wanted to establish a program that combines both clinical psychology and overall wellness. The Mindful Mummies program is based on a holistic framework and caters for all women who would like to learn skills to cope with the everyday stressors and challenges of motherhood, as well as those who have mental health problems.
The program is eight weeks. The first four weeks covers mindfulness and self-compassion and the following four weeks explores identity and relationship changes, self-care and coping with strong emotions.
It’s very much a journey that I’m going through at the moment as a mother of two young boys and I can see how using aspects of mindfulness and self-compassion has helped me to cope as a mum. For me, it seemed like there wasn’t a support group where mothers and pregnant women in Toowoomba could go to learn these principles in a relaxed, yet educational atmosphere. That was part of my motivation behind setting up Mindful Mummies.
What actually is ‘mindfulness’?
Ok, so mindfulness is living in the present moment, it is being consciously aware of our thoughts, emotions and bodily sensations and accepting them as they are.
We tend to look back into things in our past or look forward into our future, whereas when we’re being mindful our attention is focused in the present moment without judgement.
For example, when you’re on the floor playing with your child it’s really being aware of sitting on the floor and playing with your child, not thinking about “I have 10 loads of washing to do” or “this morning this happened” so it’s really appreciating the moment that we’re in.
When we look at the self-compassion area – it’s noticing that all humans suffer. It’s being able to treat ourselves with a level of self-kindness and knowing that yes we’re going through a really difficult time but that’s part of being human.
What benefits are there in practicing mindfulness?
There are many benefits of mindfulness. Some of these benefits include reduced stress levels, less anxious and negative thought patterns and an improvement in mood symptoms. It also improves our connection with our children and partners and helps us to sleep better. Research has also shown that mindfulness increases our immune system and has positive effects on the functioning of our brain.
What are mindfulness techniques?
Something we look at in the groups is how we can incorporate mindfulness into our every day lives. Because a lot of people are busy it can be often difficult to incorporate some of the more formal practices of mindfulness, like meditation into our lives.
A really good starting point for mindful exercises is awareness of the breath. This involves slowing down and consciously bringing your attention to the inflow and outflow of your breath. This exercise can be used as a way to ground us in the present moment and quieten our mind from racing thoughts.
What happens at a Mindful Mummies session?
The environment at our Mindful Mummies session is very relaxed and supportive. Each week a different topic is discussed. There is always an educational component, practical skills element and group discussion. At the end of each session we finish with a short meditative practice. Mums are welcome to bring their children along to our morning sessions.
What do you hope mums get from a Mindful Mummies session?
There is a lot that I hope mums will be able to take away from our sessions. I want to be able to assist mothers to slow down their parenting and really enjoy this moment in time with their children. Parenting can be incredibly stressful and exhausting and I have many mothers who talk to me about just getting through and “surviving” these years. I want to help mothers to cope with the everyday stresses of motherhood so they can really enjoy this journey. By encouraging mothers to slow down, take care of themselves and refuel they can continue to support their children in the best way possible and really appreciate all those small moments with their children.
Increasing our attachment with our children also increases their development – the more love, kindness and support children receive from parents the more likely it is they will go on to be more resilient and well adjusted adults.
What’s one of the key things you see mums struggle with?
It’s a mix of different things; probably the biggest thing is the juggle – and meeting competing demands. If you’ve got more than one child and both need you at the exact same time, what do you do? Or what if you’ve got a sick child at home but you are also supposed to be going to work that day…
There’s so many things mothers try to juggle, and many put unrealistic expectations on themselves to get everything done.
What do you think of this expectation that women can “have it all”?
That can be a really big struggle for mothers, when they’ve been successful in their careers then they have children. Our whole identity of who we thought we were can change and it can be hard to still have that corporate career and do everything we need to do for the family.
That can produce different feelings for different people. There are so many changes we need to make once we’ve had kids and it’s realising our life will change and we can’t do all of the things we could do prior and coming to some kind of acceptance over that I think is important.
And how do you see a dad’s role? Will mindfulness work for them too?
Definitely. I also see a lot of fathers with postnatal depression and who are struggling to cope with changes after having a baby. I would like to eventually do some mindfulness based relationship groups incorporating both elements of the parenting.
I think the key is there will never be one set of skills that will work for everyone. One person may love to sit and meditate whereas someone else may prefer to get outside and exercise. In our groups I always offer a number of different skills and the parents use what will work best for them.
How many Mindful Mummies programs could people do? Could they do more than one?
Definitely. It’s something mothers could do again and I think mothers would take something new out of it every time. The group dynamics would be different and I don’t think you can ever hear or practice these things enough.
Toowoomba Tips
Our interviewees give us an insight into their favourite things to do and places to go in Toowoomba.
Favourite coffee place: Café Valetta, or Wray Organic is a favourite for nutritious food.
Your favourite park to play with your kids?
I’ve found a nice little area in a park just off Spring Street where I sit down on a large rock and watch my two and half year old throw stones in the water. My nine month old is usually in the pram and both boys enjoy being out of the house. We feed the ducks and talk about everything we can see around us. I’ve found it’s the perfect place to put these mindfulness skills into practice because it’s often our children who are our best teachers on how to be mindful and doing it in a park setting makes it really easy.
Something that I said to my husband recently is I want to visit a new park in Toowoomba each week – so even though we’ve probably been there before it’s about exploring and finding the little areas and places in the parks that we can sit down and do the mindfulness practices together because the boys really enjoy it.
Alisha’s Mindful Mummies program is $160 for eight one-hour sessions held over an eight week period. People on a GP mental health care plan are able to access 10 group and 10 individual bulk-billed sessions per calendar year.
The next sessions start on 1 July at the East Creek Neighbourhood Centre. Children are welcome to attend.
Alisha has been a registered clinical psychologist for six years. She works at Toowoomba Psychological Services and prior to that has worked in holistic health.
To find out more about Mindful Mummies go to Facebook/MindfulMummies or contact Alisha at alisha.weston@hotmail.com or on (07) 4638 1428.
