Like all of us, 28-year-old Krystal Abbott wears a few labels. She’s a mother, a fiancé, a sister (the only girl amidst six brothers), a daughter, a friend, a blogger, a paramedic and an advocate for other women. And she’s a survivor.
Krystal was 20 weeks into her first pregnancy when she was told her baby’s bowel was enlarged and there was fluid in his lungs – all markers of Down Syndrome or other chromosomal abnormalities.
From there her pregnancy was anything but normal. After a required stay at Ronald McDonald House in Brisbane Krystal delivered Alexander early at 36 weeks. She spent only about half an hour with him before he was whisked off to surgery at only six hours old.
In addition to Down Syndrome the doctors suspected Cystic Fibrosis and a condition called Hirschprung’s Disease, but amazingly, weeks into his life Alex was cleared of all conditions. After 66 days in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) he was sent home a healthy boy.
While the outcome for Alex was ultimately good, his rough start to life understandably had a lasting effect on Krystal. She turned to writing to work through it, starting her blog The Daily Femme (previously named Perfect Enough for Us) a place she hoped other women and mothers who might be struggling with everyday life can turn to for some inspiration and support.
And it appears to have struck a chord. A guest blog post titled Confessions of NICU Mum Krystal wrote for US website Her View from Home garnered 25,000 page views and 10,000 Facebook shares within a week of being published. From this she discovered a new passion. Using her years of business management experience Krystal has moved her blog towards helping women achieve their business and personal dreams.
Now she has thousands visit The Daily Femme every day and her dreams blogging ‘world domination’ are in reach.
When I met with Krystal we talked all things blogging, about being a paramedic and of course, about the Story of Alexander. Read on for more of this remarkable woman’s story.
Can you tell me a little bit about Alexander and what happened when he was born?
When I went for the 20 week scan they told me they’d seen that his bowel was enlarged and they saw a little bit of fluid on the right side of his lung. They told me at the time they were markers for things like Down Syndrome or other chromosomal abnormalities. And they weren’t sure what was going to happen.
…They took him off for his first surgery at six hours old. From there it was 66 days in NICU and they told me it was a 90% chance it was Cystic Fibrosis…
I spent seven hours at the Base that day, with them going ‘do we send you straight through to Mater now, don’t we, what are we going to do’. Two days later I got a phone call from Mater Hospital booking me in for an appointment the following day. So I went down to Maternal Foetal Medicine there – they are the best in the southern hemisphere by far.
They did a scan, they couldn’t find the fluid on his lung, which was incredible, that was amazing. They did notice his bowel was distended, they didn’t know why – they had to keep an eye on it.
I was back every few weeks for scans to keep a check on it. Because if it got too big or if it ruptured or anything like that it was obviously going to be quite dangerous. They also told me that I’d have to deliver him in Brisbane and that he would require surgery after he was born. So I was well aware of all of that.
They also said I had to stay at Ronald McDonald house or stay in Brisbane from 36 weeks because I could deliver at any time after that. So I finished work at 36 weeks and I went down there two days later. Delivered him at 37.5 weeks and it was just this whirlwind of things. I spent about five minutes with him and they took him off to have scans and have everything done because they didn’t know what caused the obstruction. I got to spend another 10 to 20 minutes with him after that. And then they took him off for his first surgery at six hours old.
From there it was 66 days in NICU and they told me it was a 90% chance it was Cystic Fibrosis. If it wasn’t Cystic Fibrosis it would likely be a condition called Hirschprung’s Disease which means that all the nerve endings are dead and they don’t work, which means he would have had very little quality of life considering where the obstruction was.
He got cleared for Hirschprung’s at four weeks old. So we were pretty much told it was likely to be Cystic Fibrosis. And at six weeks he got cleared for Cystic Fibrosis.
I bawled, I jumped; I hugged all the nurses. It was incredible. Cystic Fibrosis – it’s a lifelong condition. It would have affected his quality of life he wouldn’t have been able to have kids, he wouldn’t have lived beyond 45, I think is the average life expectancy. So to be told that your child might only live until then is insane. Having that cleared was incredible and from then it was just focus on getting him better and getting him home.
And so he’s healthy now?
Yeah he’s perfectly fine. He has lactose intolerance, that’s the only thing and I don’t know if it’s actually linked to it at all. Incredible. He’s an awesome little kid. You would never know. He shows off his scars. He’s got two scars – so cute.
He’s so much fun. He’s been really funny lately with so much attitude. I asked him to do something the other day and he’s like “Mum I’m busy”. What? You’re two. You don’t get busy.
Did you always want to have kids?
Yeah absolutely. I have Hyperemesis when I’m pregnant. I lost a lot of weight with him. I lost like 7kg in the first trimester. Hyperemesis only affects 2% of pregnancies.
The best way to describe it to people – because people think it’s just morning sickness and it’s not it’s so much worse than that – it’s like an allergic reaction to the pregnancy hormone. So the pregnancy hormone goes up, you vomit uncontrollably, and you can’t function and even rolling over in bed is impossible without throwing up. There’s women who have Hyperemesis who end up in ICU and have multiple organ failure because they’re so dehydrated and so shut down.
And that’s a risk for you for every pregnancy that you’ll have?
Yes. I was pregnant last year as well and I miscarried at eight weeks and I had severe hyperemesis as well. Debilitating.
It’s good to get the word out about Hyperemesis as well because people do the whole “oh have you tried ginger?”. I’m on medication that they use for chemo patients and no ginger: wow! It’s not “have a cracker before your feet hit the floor” kind of thing; it’s a serious life threatening medical condition. Like, actually needing IV fluids every day and three medications every day and steroids just to function. It’s full on.
Are you planning to have more kids?
I would like to but it’s just something to get your head around. It’s a massive deal to get your head around being that sick. I know I’m going to be sick for at least six weeks at minimum, I’m going to have to have time off work, I’m going to have to be spending $150 to $200 a week on medication, so it’s huge
Do you hate it when people ask you if you’re going to have more kids?
No, I get frustrated when people sort of don’t understand why it’s such a big thing. Like “oh you have to have another baby”. Well no…it could kill me. It’s an actual risk. And then on top of that I’ve been through the NICU experience with Alex so it’s a lot to get your head around. But I’d like to. I always wanted three. Hyperemesis changes that.
You’re a paramedic, which I think is so interesting because it’s not a job that I could do. What attracted you to it?
Well my cousin was a paramedic. It was just one of those things where I was in a stage of my life where I needed a change, a different job, I wasn’t being challenged in the job I was in. I jumped online and saw they were recruiting and I was like “I can do that” so I did.
I applied, three months later I started, it was just this whirlwind process. Now I love it, I couldn’t imagine doing anything else. When I applied I was sort of tossing up between – “oh if I don’t get in maybe I’ll do nursing” because it sort of piqued my interest being that area, but I’m glad I didn’t. I love my job. I don’t think I could be indoors in a nursing environment. I love that my office is anywhere; it’s really good.
…As a paramedic I’m there for people’s worst day of their lives most of the time.
Do you like helping people?
Yeah absolutely and that’s where I’ve sort of what I’ve tried to take my blog to as well, so it’s kind of like an extension of that, just in a different area.
It is the most rewarding part of our job. Really as a paramedic I’m there for people’s worst day of their lives most of the time. That’s a big heavy thing to deal with, but knowing you can make it better, or help them is definitely what gets you through day-to-day. It’s too depressing otherwise.
How do you walk in to situations like that – how do you prepare yourself mentally and emotionally to walk in?
For me, you don’t think about what you’re going to as an emotional situation. It’s just… a job. It doesn’t affect you at the time. You think about it afterwards. We get a call out to what job we’re going to and we get told the general idea so you have a bit of time to wrap your head around it on the way.
It’s hard to explain – you distance yourself from the situation. I’m not looking at Jane who’s just been in a car accident, I’m looking at a body that’s got a broken leg and is bleeding out and I need to fix it. You distance yourself.
Have you always been interested in writing and blogging? You’ve got such a natural writing style.
Writing is something I’ve always, always done. Even in school writing was my thing. I struggled at uni doing science stuff because I had to write in a scientific format, I couldn’t pull that off, I’m too conversational that’s my relaxed way of writing.
I hadn’t written for a long time so getting back into the blog was this liberating thing – especially the story of Alexander. That was the most empowering thing to do was to write down what happened, because it was a massive time in my life and writing helped me process it all.
I’ve had several blogs before – none of them really took. I didn’t really like them enough to take them off – I started on Princess Paramedic or something like that and it was about my job but I found I was editing myself too much because I couldn’t write about my patients, I couldn’t write about the jobs I’d done. And all the others I didn’t really have enough passion for. But this one I love.
Perfect Enough from Us [now The Daily Femme] came from the idea that not everything in life goes to plan. Because it doesn’t. You have this idea of what your perfect life is going to be and then it all gets upturned and you can either go “my life is falling around me, but I can make it better” and it’s up to me to make it work.
Never in my life did I dream my son would be in NICU. That’s not a perfect pregnancy. Perfect pregnancy? No! Perfect delivery? No! Perfect first few months? No! But I needed to make it better. So that’s what I try and do and that’s what I let other women know that it’s ok to do.
[On why she changed the name to the Daily Femme] As my blog grew I found more and more women were asking me about the blogging side of things, and I loved it. Add to that my love of business and it just clicked. I knew I needed to change the direction of my blog. I want this to be my business, I want to help other women learn how to make the most of their own businesses and how to manage that with all the other things we have going on in our lives. I want them to know that you don’t have to sacrifice everything in life to have a successful business.
I read the Story of Alexander and it’s every emotional.
I bawled my eyes out writing it. It took me a long time to write all four parts because it was so emotionally draining revisiting it again.
I write for another website called Her View From Home and it’s an American website, based out of Nebraska. It’s huge over there, there’s 165 contributors to it. It’s an emotional support site, and I wrote a post for them called Confessions of NICU Mum and it’s all about how you just can’t feel what you want to feel, and you don’t feel like a mum and you want to scream at the mums who are leaving with their perfect little babies.
Within a week it had 25,000 page views and has been shared over 10,000 times on Facebook, it’s been insane. It’s one of the better performing posts on that site, that site’s been up for three years. So it’s just nice to be able to get that to other mums in the NICU and make them go, oh it’s ok I want to scream at everybody. That’s a normal thing. Alright.
Where do you want to take your blog?
To be huge. World domination! I want it to be somewhere that women can go and go “I need a bit of motivation today, so I’m going to go read something on Krystal’s site.” “I need a bit of happiness, I need to refocus on my health, Krystal’s site will have something that will get me there.” I want it to be a place women go to for that motivation, whether it’s in life or in business.
I think all women have a time in their life when they’ve needed someone or something or they’ve looked to someone, a book, they’ve looked outwards of themselves to go, where the hell am I going? What am I going to do?
You’re not ‘just’ a stay at home mum. ‘Just’ is the worst word. So many people use it; it’s so bad.
The idea behind the [Daily Femme post] 11 Habits of Successful Women is so many people can’t get the idea that they can’t be successful unless they’re in a career. Stay at home mums do the whole I’m ‘just’ a stay at home mum – and no. You can rock that. You can be mega successful at that. You can feel really good about yourself and be proud that you are incredibly successful as a stay at home mum. You’re not ‘just’ a stay at home mum. ‘Just’ is the worst word. So many people use it; it’s so bad.
I’ve been doing the I’m ‘just’ a blogger – but hell no. 20,000 people read my posts this month, that’s a bit more than ‘just’ a blogger.
I saw on your blog you proposed to your husband.
We’re not married yet, I call him my hubby because it’s just so much easier. We’ve both been married before, I’ve been engaged a few too many times before…I’ve been proposed to, he’s done the proposing, he’s a major introvert.
I used to manage Michael Hill so he’s terrified of buying me jewellery ever – so it’s obviously a point of anxiety for him. And then I saw a news thing saying how women were proposing and I was like “I would never do that” and then I’m like “or would I?”.
And the more I thought about it the more it made sense. I spoke to my mum about it and she’s like “that’s fantastic!”. So I did the big test and I spoke to my Nan about it. And she was like “that’s awesome, that’s amazing”. Alright – won over by my highly Christian Nan – done!
So I asked his parents for permission, I did the whole thing, we went to the coast for the night. I bought a ring for him, I had it made in his size and everything, I did the whole get down one knee thing and he said it was absolutely perfect. And it was. It was just perfect.
